I really dont have any idea of what to write to sum up this experience and articulate my final thoughts on my entire semester abroad. I'm going to approach it by just typing and seeing what comes out, so it may be disorganized and hard to follow, but hopefully it will end fairly clear and the impact that this adventure had on me will be evident.
I approached study abroad as something that was an obvious thing that I had to do. What an opportunity it was, what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Every single person that I ever talked to about college said their biggest regret of their four years was not going abroad, and those that did go abroad continuously said it was the best choice they ever made. There you go, I was sold, I was spending my empty semester before PA school abroad; but where? Another easy answer - Rome, Italy. I know Italian fairly well from study in high school and my family is Italian. Its in the center of europe and puts me right in the middle of the biggest travel hub in the world. Its the center of the Catholic church, of the historical Roman empire. Its rich in art and gastronomical delight. Rome it was, with almost no other considerations.
And there it was, I was accepted into the program, and I knew I was now officially studying abroad. But I was also applying to PA school, and saving every single penny, and working for good grades, and working to make more money. I knew Rome was coming, but that was about it, my mind was too busy to contemplate much else. Christmas break hits, all the work I could do towards PA school was done, my bank account was built up as much as it would be. Its time to leave, and I still have no idea whats about to happen to me. I'm there, on my first day looking over Rome from the top of St Peter's Basilica, the highest point in Rome because of the government sanction forbidding any building built higher than it, daydreaming about the life I'd be living for the next few months. I was a wide-eyed child full of delightful animations.
I return home an enlightened adult with a weathered face full of wondrous tales, deep insights, and a diverse knowledge base. I feel like a revolution occurred and I came out the other end, a fully different person within the same body. My appreciation for art and architecture, my exploding ideas of food preparation and culinary creativity, my ever flowing imagination churning out new social ideas to constantly prevent boredom, my curiosity at the goings-on of people and countries around the world: all new things. And I could get as deep as I want about how these changes affect me and how I feel, but in simple terms, its just so much fun. I feel so much more comfortable in this new skin I have, in this new person that I feel like. That in itself made the experience priceless. I feel like I'm constantly buzzing, like I'm consistently on a life high and getting joy out of absolutely everything I see and do. I feel like Shane Falco in the Replacements when Jimmy McGinty tells him "in you I see two men, the man you are and the man you oughta be - and when those two meet, itll be a hell of a football player." I think those two people met for me. I feel as if I maintained the Zach that was but tweaked my social and cultural interests and feelings of responsibility and added a dose of self-confidence and a total recognition of I'm going to do whatever the heck I want if it makes me happy, not in a rebelious sort of way but in a the only opinion I need to worry about is the one I have of myself sort of way.
At this point, I have had so many epiphanies and insights that it would be impossible to share them all or even remember them. I didnt get much into journaling throughout the semester, probably because my outlet was this blog, but it would have been too much anyway because my head never stops running. I do remember one thing though, one thought that comes pretty close to being my biggest epiphany of my time abroad. I learned things about the world, about how to travel, about my preferred style of travel, about how people work and our interactions, and about approaching my future. And one night, probably a night when I was feeling great and totally at home in Rome, I realized: adventure is what makes life amazing and stimulating, but to me nothing will ever be friends and family. It seems like a general thing to realize, but for me it wasnt. I had always had thoughts that I would need to break away for a year or more, feeling suffocated by society and constraints, and because I have this need for adventure and danger and change that if I dont soothe becomes an issue and makes me anxious. I thought that drive is what would run my actions throughout the next stage of my life, and I worried about not seeing my family and friends enough, and thats when I realized I was forcing the issue. I realized that I was subordinating the people in my life to my need for pleasure and it made me uneasy deciding, but when I swapped them I felt so much more at ease, realizing I can live a life surrounded by those I love and fit in my adventure time around there. Nothing makes my life sweeter than those that I love and those that know me and will be able to pick out these differences in me, and that is what will guide my actions through the next stages of my life.
This is something that is going to be hard to communicate to others. I cant summarize it as a whole because too much happened and the details of my trips and time in Rome isnt whats important. Stories will slowly come out as they need to, and once this final reflection is done and my pictures are grouped together and gifts are given out I'll feel like I closed out study abroad and am ready to move on to the rest of my life.
Even though I've only been home for a few days I've started to get out of the mindset I was in so it is making it harder to type and reflect. I remember leaving and getting ready to come home and feeling anguish over having to leave the friends I made, friends I felt so connected to because of our shared experiences. Friends that I love to death and forever hope at our paths crossing in the future and rekindling out connection because these are people that I shared phenomenal conversations with and charming moments in enlightening situations, people that went with me on this roller coaster ride of good and bad that ushered me into the next stage of my life and that were with me as I changed into that new person. Everyone was so open minded and willing to listen to opinions different than theirs and then comment on it, willing to hang out with new people everyday and make new connections. Study abroad made me aware to the fact at how much I appreciate personal actions. I dont enjoy talking to people where the conversation becomes each person reporting on their lives. I dont like watching TV instead of chatting. I like eating slow and spending time together instead of going for a meal and finishing it and leaving right away. Personal connections are what enrich our lives, and these connections are often enough not cultivated. And I knew it before, but now I will lay my life on the line claiming that my life should be defined by the people I know, our connections and interactions, and the way they perceive me.
After going through such an experience, so many things seem trivial, but not in a pretentious way. There seems no point in arguing between loved ones, no point in getting worked up by small obstacles, no point in being lazy and wasting days away. Important things are put in perspective such as family and friends, education, helping others, and personal growth. As happy as I was in Tuscany drinking a glass of wine in the early morning sunshine overlooking the olive groves, I was at that same level when I came home and had family dinner with my parents and brother and sister, then went to see my nephew, and then had a bonfire on the beach and played some euchre. Both things made me happy for different reasons, and maybe that is another thing I learned more strongly is that I control my own happiness. I could have been miserable abroad, but I left saying it changed my life, and I'm pretty sure I'll return back to Marquette saying it was the best summer ever. Traveling and existing on such a grand scale makes you appreciate simple comforts, and just as I said I needed my loved ones and my adventure, I need my simple life and my epic life, but in a ratio where I think I can fit in the epic life into openings in my simple life when I have time. It feels good to be home, especially doing the things I used to and new ideas I've had but in this new skin that I feel I live in now.
So here we go, concluding the post that concludes study abroad. Spring Semester 2010 in Rome - the picture albums, the memories, the friendships there that will always remind me. That semester and year and city that at the mention of the words will forever bring me back into a dream state. The event that came and passed like a few weeks, even though it was something I'd looked forward to for years and will look back on for even longer. That adventure is over now, even though I remember everyone telling me to go and have the experience of a lifetime and come back with abundant stories to share. Well I'm home now, and those stories have been made.
The conclusion to the Zach that was, to my loosely termed childhood is a final chapter that can rival the most famous novels of all time. Part I of the novel is complete, my development from birth through adolescence and into young adulthood. Part II starts with me labeling myself as a young adult waiting for the next experience that changes my life and makes me realize I still am a child with much more to learn and with massive room to grow. But at this point, Part II starts with a sense of contained jubilee, a vibe that can be felt by all involved but only in true capacity by the one that holds it.
Peace out study abroad, I've loved you dearly. I owe you something that I cant repay except through an intangible amount of gratification and respect. Friends and family that have followed this blog all semester, I owe you the same gift. I hope it was enjoyable and I hope you felt connected to what I was physically experiencing and what I was mentally contemplating.
With love and happiness that I wish to all in lavish amounts, I sign one last time under the same alias as the first post, but different in every sense of it other than its simple spelling. Goodbye from the Zach that was before, the Zach that was evolving, and the Zach that exists now -
Zach
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